


Through the 'motions

by kingslayersrogue



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Emotions, F/M, It's Soft, It's actually kinda nice, It's anger, Marcus kane character study, Not angst porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-10
Packaged: 2019-03-14 22:28:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13599735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingslayersrogue/pseuds/kingslayersrogue
Summary: Marcus Kane through the emotions





	1. Fear

**Once: Mild**

He’s accustomed to the general sense of being unnerved on the ground. They’ve only been on Earth for a few days and everything is  _ new. _  They’re all tripping and stumbling over the uneven ground, standing in awe when something brand new catches their eye. It’s beautiful but unnerving at the same time. No one knowing if what they’re seeing is dangerous or not. -”Is that poisonous?” “I don’t know- god don’t  _ eat  _ it.”-

It’s a process, learning and adapting to this entirely new environment. They could only do so much with books, and naturally, he expected something to scare him eventually.

The weather patterns of Earth, as observed from space, were  _ magnificent _ .

The weather patterns of Earth, as observed from on the ground was less so.

_ Thunderstorms, _  and intriguing concept right up until you find yourself in the middle of one. Winds whipping as you rush to find even a scrap of shelter.

Abby had warned him that going out on patrol with dark clouds in the sky was a bad idea. She was probably muttering about it now.

Nonetheless, he was trapped in this cave until the storm passed. Watching the way the drops fell shift and change with the wind. Swirling as the storm picked up speed.

The first crack of thunder nearly made him fire his weapon. It echoed on the walls of the cave, shuddering until the next crack. Louder and closer, shook the ground just a bit.    
He could feel his heart race faster with each strike, jumping every time no matter if he saw the flash or not. The rain shifting directions and blowing into the mouth of the cave. Soaking his shoes again.

He didn’t sleep the whole night, huddle in a corner by his small fire. Flinching with every new crash. Making a note to listen to Abby on matters like this more.

**Twice: Severe**

The door was supposed to have opened by now. It was supposed to have opened months ago, but the fact that it hadn’t caused more unrest than when they had been first sealed inside. He’d already dealt with his fair share of fights. Usually over something as simple as who looked at who in what way.    
Resources were a problem too, things that were only supposed to last five years needing to be stretched indefinitely further. There were reasons to be upset everywhere, but medical most of all.

Which is why, Abby being a grand total of four hours late, scared the hell out of him.

He had written off the first hour as normal. It wasn’t unlike Abby to stay past her shift to finish reports or conduct inventory. Maybe there had been a surgery that needed to be extended. There were a million reasons for her to be only an hour late.

He was mildly concerned at the two-hour mark. The only real reason that could lead to it being a surgery gone bad. Something he probably would’ve heard on the radio.

Hour three had him pacing his room, radioing any guard he felt could be near medical. Asking if they could check up on whatever was going on. Afraid a nasty fight had broken out under their nose. (Medical needed more guards but it was a hell of a process getting Octavia to formally assign them.)

Betrayed by his brain, thoughts of every worst-case scenario flooded his mind.

_ What if a patient had gotten angry?  _ _  
_ _ What if she had injured herself? _

_ What if there had been a brawl? _ _  
_ _ What if what if what if? _

He was in a frenzy when she finally walked through the door he nearly tackled her in a hug. “God Abby, where  _ were _  you? I was worried sick you were gone for hours?” She looked at him puzzled, taking stock of the way his eyes ran over her frantically. “I...I was in the mess hall having dinner. Did you not get the message I sent you?”

“Message?”

“Yes, the one I sent you saying  _ ‘I’m going to dinner, don’t be scared if I don’t come back on time.’  _ That message,” she said it teasingly, but trailing off when she noticed how scared he truly had been. “I’m sorry, I should’ve come and told you in person, I know how you worry.” He pulled her back into his arms, resting his chin on top of her head. “It’s alright, I just. I’m always scared something will happen to you. That I won’t be able to protect you……I can’t lose you, Abby.” He shook a little, a few lone tears rolling down his cheek as she pulled him towards the bed. Coaxing him down until she could crawl in and lay beside him. “You’re not going to lose me, Marcus,” Abby whispered, pulling his shoulders until his head rested in her lap. “Tell me why you were so scared,” she asks gently, bending down and kissing his forehead. He pauses for a while, hand reaching out to take hers and just breathe for a moment before, “Because anything could happen to you. And if anything happens to you I’d never be able to forgive myself. I know you’re a strong person, that strength is what makes you incredible, but it can’t protect you from everything. I’m just terrified that I’m going to get a call saying someone started a fight and you got stuck in the middle of it. It scares me to death,” he finishes in a rush. The words coming out in a messy jumble. Abby hums, trying to soothe him. Feeling the little sobs that shake his shoulders. “I know, I feel the same way. You’ve got such a dangerous job, heading up Octavia’s guard. I always worry that when I get a call to medical it’s going to be you. That If it is you I won’t be able to fix you. It’s horrifying but it’s the world we live in, but I know that you’ll always be here. We just have to have hope that it won’t always be like this. Living in fear, it’ll be better someday.” He nods slowly, arms wrapping around her stomach as he snuggles into her. Nose pressing just above her belly button. His perfect head of hair right in touching distance. “We’re going to be out of here soon.” Her hand stroked through his hair, fingers combing through the thick strands easily. “I want to find a nice plot of land. Build a house and settle down, what do you think?” She hummed, scratching his scalp in just the way he liked it. She had always been an expert at calming him down.

Marcus hums, pleasant visions filling his mind as it drifts off. Slowly succumbing to the feel of her hands in his hair and her voice.

Abby is safe.


	2. Elation

**Elation:**

**Once**

Kids hadn’t been an option for him, a secret dream maybe, but not really an option. He’d never really been that good at dating anyways. When he was a child, dreaming of things better than the metal prison he was trapped in he imagined himself with a massive family. Kids running through the trees chasing each other, laughing and playing. The fantasies were a tad cruel for someone who would never get to see Earth but it’s what his heart dreamt. 

Then he grew up and the whole notion floated to the back of his mind. At times, usually after long days of work that gave him a tired body but a restless mind, he’d think of what could’ve been. If he had chosen a different career, had a child, and lived like he always wanted to, but when he’d wake up the next morning. Exhausted but ready for the day, the feelings would be gone. 

He set out to do the best he could with the situation he had, his was only a transitional generation after all. No purpose beyond extending the population. The dream left to the ones yet to come.

Except, things hadn’t gone to plan and the Ark crashed to Earth long before planned and his whole perspective changed. He was no longer destined to live a hard life in the cold of space, carrying out deeds no person was keen on. Doing the hard thing to make sure they all survived. He had a choice, he could have a life, fall in love. He could do all the things he dreamed. 

In another wonderful twist of events, he fell hopelessly in love with Abby Griffin, who -by some miracle, in his opinion, and a matter of fate in hers- fell right with him. 

It took time, of course, differences needed to be overcome and peace needed to be made. Both with themselves, their actions and the world around them, but eventually. When all was settled, they found time to find each other.

The day that she told him was just the same as every other day in Arkadia. He’d woken up to a more smiley than usually Abby hovering over him to plant kisses on his face until he got out of bed. She’d rushed him out of their room, something new playing in the corner of her eyes that had him questioning but ultimately agreeing. 

It was nearly dinner time when her voice came over the intercom, calling him to medical. He’d been going over reports and took the easy stroll down the ark halls. Confident that the easy tone in her voice gave no cause for rush. It was empty when he walked in, just Abby holding a data pad, leaning on one of the cots. She beckoned him over, handing him the tablet. “Look at the numbers.” She pointed to a set of data points, clearly hoping him to perceive something out of them. “You really didn’t pay attention in biology did you?” Abby laughed setting the datapad on the cot and turning to face him. “Give me your hand.” He raised his hand and she took it, pressing a kiss to his palm before resting it on her stomach. Smiling up at him expectantly. She watched as the pieces clicked together in his mind, heart bursting when he swept her up into his arms. Spinning her around before setting her on her feet to kiss her fiercely. “Are you sure? Could it really be?” She could feel his tears dripping onto her neck where his nose was buried, arms still wrapped around her like a vice. She ran a hand through his hair, smiling and kissing the side of his neck. “I’ve been sure for a while but Jackson ran a test this morning, the numbers don’t lie.” He shook a little, stepping back to wipe his nose, looking at her like she held the stars. His hand shook as he placed it back on her stomach, another tear rolling down his cheek when her hand covered his. “You’re going to be an amazing father.” His head snapped up, eyes locking onto hers, something new flashing inside them. “Father,” he said softly, stepping back just a bit. She frowned, instantly worried this wasn’t something he wanted. “I-I, if this isn’t something you-”

“I want nothing else, Abby. I love you, this is a dream come true.” He scooped her up again, breathing a shaky sigh into the crook of her shoulder. “I just can’t believe it, I-I never thought I’d get to do this. Never thought I’d find someone who’d even want to.” Abby hugged him tighter, heartbreaking a little for the man who went forever believing he was undeserving of happiness. “I love you, Marcus, and this child is going to love you too.” 


	3. Loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheers babes, we're almost there!

**Once**

The look Abby gave him is still burned in his mind. He wanted to yell, to scream that she hadn’t even tried but it wasn’t worth it. There was no saving Vera Kane’s life. He held her head in his lap, watching as the life drained out of her once vibrant eyes. Regretting every declined dinner invitation and snubbed meeting. He was never going to be able to fix this.   
“In peace may you leave the shore,” He started, letting out a quiet sob when she smiled up at him. He should've made me smile so much more. He should've  _ been there _ . “In love may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels.” He bent his head leaning it against hers, hating how cold her skin felt against his. “May we meet again.” When he pulled back she was gone.

Eventually, someone dragged him away. Marcus didn’t know how long he sat there, her head in his lap. Stroking her hair back like she’d done for him after every nightmare as a child, soft and sweet soothing all of his fears with an expert hand. All of the wreckage from the bomb had been cleared before someone -a guard instructed by Abby- gently pulled him away from her. Allowing two more men to gingerly pick up her body and take her away. The hollow feeling that tore through his chest when she slipped from his view felt like he was being ripped open from the inside out. He wanted to cry, to scream, to throw all of that damned control he prided himself on away. Anything to get her back, he’d trade it. A week, a few days, more time to fix things.

He felt the cold grip of space settle deep inside him, holding him like a vice. Cold,  _ so cold.  _

Abby watched him in EM, he had stumbled in a little over an hour ago and had neither spoken a word or moved. Just stared at the dark tiles on the screen. Jackson was the only other one in with them and it only took a look for him to lay a gentle hand on her shoulder -support comfort and warning all in one gesture- and then leave. 

“Marcus.” He flinched when she reached out to him, not used to the contact. “I’m sorry, she...Vera was an amazing spirit.”

He nodded, subtly shrugging off her hand. “She was, she did so much for everyone, but no one really ever appreciated it. Not even her own son.” He grimaced, turning something small and clear in his fingers. “I ignored her, she loved me to the ends of the universe and I ignored her, and for what? To be strong? To look invincible?” He lets his head drop to the metal desk, his shoulders slumping in on themselves. It was disturbing, seeing the man so normally composed utterly _break._ “You did what you felt you needed, Marcus. Your job isn't easy but she never stopped loving you, she didn’t think any less of you. You were and always will be her heart and soul.”

“It doesn’t matter, I just….I can’t believe she’s gone.” Abby sighs, pulling out the stool next to him. Laying her head on her arms rested on the desk. “I’m not going to lie to you, it’s going to be a bit before it sinks in and when it does. It’ll be an even longer time before it gets better. 

He tenses, the implications of her words hitting him hard. “Don’t it’s….just don’t,” she stops him, knowing exactly where his mind is. “The best advice I can offer you is don’t hold it in.” She had hoped he’d take the advice to heart, even for someone as strong as him this wasn’t easy to stomach. She hadn’t expected him to break down  _ here _ in front of  _ her. _ They weren’t exactly friends, but they weren't enemies, and he certainly didn’t confide in her."

It was heartbreaking watching him cry. A whole tangle of complicated emotions rising up inside her as hot tears trailed down Marcus Kane’s cheeks. Instinct won over confusion and she opened her arms, letting his head rest against her chest as he cried and cried. He leaned heavily against her. Body heavy with all the emotions he wasn't sure he could voice.

He didn’t sob, but let the emotion pour out of him nearly silent, the only sign he was in anguish was the dark stains on Abby’s coat and the tight wrap of his arms around her. Holding on like she was the only thing keeping him there. 

His heart pounded and his head ached and it felt like there wasn’t a drop of energy left in his body. He was exhausted, weak, but the thought of getting up. Of leaving the comfort of her embrace (a comfort he had yet to figure out  _ why) _ was unendurable. 

She was warm but strong, one arm wrapped around his back while the other ran lightly over his hair. Humming something that was achingly familiar. He felt safe and it had been so long since he felt that it was hard to let go, but his tears had long since dried. (How long  _ exactly _ had she been holding him? Minutes? Hours?) He pulled away from her slowly, trying to avoid the soft look she was giving him. “I’m sorry that was-”

“Human. It as human.” He looks away sheepishly, hand rubbing at the back of his neck. “Go get some sleep, we’ve got work to do in the morning.” Abby squeezes his arm softly, one last gesture of comfort before disappearing through the doors. He’s asleep the second his head hits the pillow.


End file.
